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Mother in Law |
Sandar and Tun Tun were having dinner with a couple they had lost touch with when they moved to Yangon many years ago. Over the meal, the couples took turns catching up. "And soon after we were married," Tun Tun began, "we were blessed with a marvelous, chubby creature with cute bow legs and no teeth." "Oh, you had a baby!" said the other husband. "Nope," Tun Tun replied. "Sandar's mother came to live with us." |
Dear, do you remember how you used to__ |
A couple who had been married for over 50 years was sitting on the sofa, when the wife said, "Dear, do you remember how you used to sit close to me?" He moved over and sat close to her. "Dear," she continued, "do you remember how you used to hold me tight?" He reached over and held her tight. "And," she went on, "do you remember how you used to hug me kiss me and nibble on my ear?" With that, her husband got up and started to walk out of the room. "Where are you going?" she asked. "Well," answered the husband, "I have to get my teeth." |
"Did you lose EVERYTHING?" |
Gambling Addict Wife A woman who plays cards one night a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke up her husband when she came home around 11:30 p.m. One night she decided to try not to rouse him. She undressed in the living room and purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom -- only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading. "Damn it woman!" he exclaimed. "Did you lose EVERYTHING?" |
Wait a minute! |
Luke's wife bought a new line of expensive guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the 'miracle' products, she asked, "Darling, honestly what age would you say I am?" Looking over her carefully, Luke replied, "Judging from your skin, 20; your hair, 18; and your figure, 25," "Oh you flatterer!" she gushed. "Hey, wait a minute!" Luke interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet!" |
Cause and Effect |
Why do 99 percent of girls have a bigger left breast? Because 99 percent of guys are right-handed. |
Politicians tell the truth |
The only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other liars. |
Some people have all the luck |
I was shopping with my wife at a local supermarket and suddenly couldn't find her. "I've lost my wife," I muttered slightly louder than was necessary. Then I heard a strange man's voice from the next aisle, "Some people have all the luck." |
No Speaking to Wife |
Philip and Jill had been married for many years, but now were in divorce court. The judge asked Philip, 'Is it true that the last three years of your marriage you did not speak to Jill?" Philip replies, "Yes, your Honor, that is correct." "And how do you explain this unusual conduct?" the judge inquires. Philip replies, "Your Honor, my mother always told me not to interrupt when a woman is speaking." |
PROBLEM FATHER |
"You look troubled," I told my friend,
"what's your problem?" |
Teaching Choice |
| Two big-shot lawyers hired a secretary from a small town
in the hills. She was attractive but obviously knew nothing about city life.
"She's so young and pretty she may be taken advantage of by some of those fast-talking city guys," one attorney said to the other. "Why don't we teach her what is right and what's wrong?" "Great idea," said the partner. "You teach her what's right." |
HEAVEN versus HELL |
| HEAVEN IS WHERE - - - The police are British; The chefs are
Italian; The mechanics are German; The lovers are French and It's all organized
by the Swiss. HELL IS WHERE - - - The police are German; the chefs are British; The mechanics are French; The lovers are Swiss and It's all organized by the Italian. |
God & Devil |
| God said, "I cannot be everywhere, so I created
Mother." Devil replied, "Even I cannot be anywhere, so I created Mother-in-law." |
Q: Why do most Indian women request God for the same husband in the next life? |
| A: Because efforts taken to train him in this life should not go wasted! |
Grandpa & Grandma
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| Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight
. When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills . The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive . " "How much?" asked Grandpa . "$10 a pill," Answered the son . "I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow ". Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow . He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110 . "I know," said Grandpa . "The hundred is from Grandma!" |
I made my husband a millionaire |
| A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my
husband a millionaire." And What was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, "A billionaire." |
Always let your boss have the first say. |
| A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are
walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie
comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk.. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world..' Poof! She's gone. 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.' Poof! He's gone. 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.' |
Remember Psalm 129 |
| A priest offered a Nun a lift... She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg..... The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.' |
NEVER MESS WITH WOMEN |
| A Punjabi lawyer working in UK wrote to his wife in India
... Dear Sunita Darling, I can't send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has affected my Company's performance, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart, please adjust. Your loving husband, JITA SINGH His wife replied... TINKU KE PAPPA , Thanks for the 100 kisses, Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses...: 1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk. 2. The electricity man agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses. 3. Your landlord Balkar Singh comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the monthly rent. 4. Supermarket owner Jaswant Singh did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items, I hope you understand.. 5. Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses. Please don't worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can survive the month using this balance... Shall I plan the same for the next month? Your Sweet Heart, Kichi NEVER MESS WITH WOMEN |
Thinking about Marriage |
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune. One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $20 million." Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother. Women are so much better at financial planning than men. |
Prayed for Forgiveness. |
When I was young I used to pray for a bicycle. Then I realized that God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bicycle and prayed for forgiveness. |
The Faith Healer |
Two women were sitting in the doctor's waiting room. "I want a baby more than anything in the world," said the first, "But I guess it is impossible." "I used to feel just the same way," said the second. "But then everything changed. That's why I'm here. I'm going to have a baby in three months." "You must tell me what you did." "I went to a faith healer." "But I've tried that. My husband and I went to one for nearly a year and it didn't help a bit." The other woman smiled and whispered, "Try going alone, next time, dear." |
Marriage wish |
| A married couple in their early 60's was celebrating their
40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.' The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.' The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands. The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.' The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!.. the husband became 92 years old. The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember.....fairies are female. SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A GOOD LAUGH ........ AND TO ANY MAN WHO CAN HANDLE IT |
Lying Lawyer |
How can you tell when a lawyer is about to lie? His lips start moving. |
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